Number 4: People Pleasing
Number four is people pleasing. When you are doing this just so you know you may not even know you’re doing it, and you most definitely don’t know that you’re doing it, but there is a huge sign across you that says, “Hey, I’m a target for narcissistic abuse!
Hey, I’m a target to be in a relationship with a toxic person!” I know it’s great to help people, and we say that a lot: “Well, I just like to help people.” Well, here’s the thing helping everyone at some point can become something unhealthy and toxic for yourself. When you’re putting everyone above you, you’re going to be a target for abuse. When you are just giving and giving and giving, you are a target for narcissistic abuse, for a toxic relationship, because that type of personality is selfish and is a taker, and they just want to be with a giver especially an unhealthy giver that has absolutely no boundaries.
So, here’s the question that, if you really struggle with being a people pleaser, you can kind of start asking yourself. This helps you to overcome codependency and being a people pleaser: “Am I doing this because I want to, or am I doing this because I feel obligated to? What are my real reasons for wanting to do this? Am I doing this because I should be doing this, or am I doing it because I’m uncomfortable with them being uncomfortable?”
Number 5: Unhealed Wounds
Number five, unhealed wounds. The big takeaway is that unhealed wounds are going to cause so many problems. The biggest problem is that people don’t know they’re wounded. They don’t know what’s going on inside of them. They don’t know what they’ve been through and how it impacts them today. And this is why you’re trapped in the drama. You’re dealing with the same kind of person, the same situations over and over again, and, like, nothing’s changing. Life’s not improving or maybe, like, one area kind of improves, but all the others pretty much stay the same.
All of these wounds kind of come together whether it’s, like, betrayal or abandonment, “I’m not enough,” all of that and they come together and they cause these problems in your relationships because all of these wounds mean that there’s something wrong with me.
So, if you haven’t learned what those wounds are and how they influence your life, for example, if you have abandonment wounds, then you just want to be with someone because everyone has left you at some point (and this is just, like, a small, small example) obviously, we would need to have a conversation about what specifically you’ve been through so you can understand just how your wounds have impacted you.
So, everyone has abandonment issues, but everyone has levels of severity of how deep that abandonment wound, like, influences their life. So, since they don’t understand any of those wounds they don’t understand betrayal, disappointment, everything that they’ve gone through, all the trauma and horrible experiences that were just never dealt with because either they were too young and no one taught them how to deal with it, or there was only so much they could do because they couldn’t process it all at once here we go with PTSD. Then it stays with you. It stays inside you, and it dictates who you pick, your life, the life you live, how happy you are all of those things.
So, healing from your wounds is not just, like, “I’m ready to do all of this work just to do this work.” No, you’re trying to get an outcome from this. So, if the outcome is, “I want to have great relationships in my life, I want to make good money, I want to be happy” like all the things that we all say that we want I’m telling you, this is the blueprint.
If you start working on understanding what your emotional wounds are, you start healing from that stuff and understanding what healing means that’s a word that’s thrown around a lot, but does anyone even know what it means to heal from something? Once you understand all that stuff that is in my master class, which is in all of my courses, which I’ll link down below but once you get that, then you can start reprogramming yourself.
Then you can start learning how to parent yourself and take care of yourself in the way that you were supposed to learn growing up, but no one taught you because they weren’t doing it for themselves, so they were never going to be able to teach it to you.
Once those things start to kind of happen this whole, like, heal and rebuild thing? then life starts to get better because you feel good in your skin. You start setting better goals. You start dating or putting yourself out there or starting that business or whatever it is that you want to do for yourself, and you do it in small little steps that are manageable so it can help you to get to the next step.
That’s when life changes, and it starts getting good. And not that you don’t attract, you know, people into your life I don’t believe going on a date and meeting someone and going, “Oh my God, this person is narcissistic,” or “This person is kind of toxic,” or “They’re a raging alcoholic,” or whatever that doesn’t mean you attracted that into your life.
You only attract the things that you invite into your life because there are toxic people everywhere, so you’re going to run into them. It’s whether or not you invite them into your life and you allow them to stay that is the, “I’m attracting this into my life.”
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