How to Stop Obsessing Over a Narcissist by Raising Your Dopamine

The Four-Step Process to Stop Obsessing

Here’s the four-step process I used to overcome obsession after my toxic second marriage:

1. Stop and Get Present: When thoughts of them arise, scream “Stop it!” (mentally or aloud) and focus on your senses tree, grass, road, car, sun, sky. Stay in the moment.
2. Use the Feelings Wheel: Three to five times daily, ask, “What am I feeling?”
3. Locate the Feeling: Where in your body do you feel heart, stomach, and shoulders?
4. Trace the Memory: When was the first time you felt this? Connect it to your past.

Personal Breakthroughs: Connecting Past and Present

For me, obsession over my ex’s denial mirrored a teenage argument with my father, who dismissed my valid point with anger a pattern I recreated. Similarly, my mother’s alcoholism for weeks, then absent left me fearing abandonment, fueling my inability to let go. Working through this grief, past and present, spiked my dopamine and opened the door to a brighter future.