Probe Their Intentions
Another thing that I have used in my own life is, when I’m able to catch myself before I go down the rabbit hole of being triggered by someone who I feel is trying to undermine me, I ask them the question from this perspective: “Why are you asking me that question? Why is this so important to you? What is it that you’re really asking me about? What are you really upset about?” I ask those questions to get myself off the ropes.
One thing that I’ve learned is that the person who asks the questions is generally the person that’s in control. It’s sort of like the person sitting behind the steering wheel of a car is the person who’s in control of that car. Same thing the person who is asking the questions is the person who’s in control.
Understanding Healthy vs. Narcissistic Questioning
Now, if you’re dealing with someone healthy, any questions that they ask you, they’re asking for more data. They’re trying to understand you. They’re trying to get from point A to point B. Not so with someone who’s highly narcissistic. A narcissist asks questions for very different reasons.
They’re trying to get you to bend to their will. For some narcissists, it’s like a game: “How long is it going to take for her to break before she does what I want her to do?” or “How long is it going to take before he breaks before he cries uncle and just gives me what I want?”
So, when we’re dealing with people who are highly narcissistic, we need to identify these people in our lives so that we know how we’re supposed to deal with them when we’re around them. It sounds crazy, but it’s true you cannot walk out into the world and treat everybody the same way because there are just people who will take advantage of your kind nature.
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