Handling Extreme Statements
Manipulators often use extreme statements to unbalance you, like, “You never listen to me.” Counter this by gently exaggerating their point to reveal its absurdity. For example: “What I hear you saying is, in all the time we’ve known each other, I’ve never listened even once?” This invites them to reconsider their absolutes without confrontation.
Example Scenario
If a partner says, “You never help around the house. I’m always the one cleaning,” this exaggeration aims to make you feel guilty. Respond with: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. Can you help me understand? You don’t usually use extreme words like ‘never’ or ‘always.’” This shows empathy, subtly highlights the overreach, and shifts the conversation to a constructive dialogue without escalation.
Tips for Handling Extremes
- Use softening phrases like “It seems like” or “It sounds like” to avoid defensiveness. For example: “It seems like you’re frustrated right now. Can we talk about what’s been happening lately?”
- Encourage reflection by inviting them to reconsider their wording, opening space for a productive conversation.
Controlling the Emotional Temperature
Manipulators may try to escalate emotions. Stay deliberately calm and neutral. Your composure makes their tactics seem exaggerated and inappropriate by contrast, undermining their control.
Reclaiming the Conversation
When manipulators circle back to the same point repeatedly, act like you don’t remember and shift the conversation. For example: “I’m sorry, could you remind me why we’re discussing this?” This forces them to restart their manipulation, weakening its effect. Doing this twice significantly diminishes their momentum.
Control Your Emotional Response
A crucial element in dealing with manipulation is controlling your emotional response. Manipulators rely on triggering your emotions—guilt, obligation, fear (FOG), or seeking control, approval, validation, or attention (CAVA). Keep these acronyms in mind. By staying calm and using these strategies, you reclaim your power.
