Going No Contact With A Narcissist -

For those who have been victimized by narcissists, it’s critical to understand that your emotional well-being is of the utmost importance. Being in a toxic relationship that is constantly draining your energy and keeping you off balance, is not healthy. That is why it’s so vital to break the cycle of abuse.

The only way to break the cycle is by cutting off all ties with the narcissist. You need enough time away from them to heal. Additionally, by cutting them out of your life you are removing the uncertainty that goes along with being in the relationship. No contact works because it disrupts the patterns and narratives that shape the current relationship.

What is no contact?

The idea of “no contact” with a person who has been defined as toxic, dangerous, or abusive, is not an idea that makes most people happy. In fact, the term itself may sound harsh and even unwelcome to some ears. But, in the mental health field, it’s been used for decades as one of many effective tools to help survivors of abuse. No contact means a complete and total break from the toxic person.

The narcissist may try to contact you many times over the first few weeks or months while they work hard to get back into your head and heart. Trying everything in their will to discourage you from going no contact, because deep down inside they know what will happen once you’re gone.

The initial stages of no contact are usually the toughest. This is when the narcissist will press hard doing any and everything they can to try and make you respond. After the initial stages of no contact, usually the first several weeks, many people report their exes contact attempts lesson. That’s why it’s so important to stay strong during that time and not fall for any attempts to lure you back into the relationship.

Though their attempts to reach out may lessen after the first several weeks if you were a narcissist primary supply, then expect for them to continue to try to reach out to you for weeks, months, even years after you enacted no contact. If you want to stay no contact for good, it’s especially important that you do not respond to any of the narcissist’s contact attempts, especially during those first few weeks.

You can’t control how long it takes for your ex to stop trying to reach out to you, but as long as you don’t offer them cause to check back in with you, they will lose interest eventually.

Abuse.

In my experience the longer you stay away the stronger you’ll get and the easier it will be. The longer you go without responding the better the chances are that the narcissist will eventually give up trying. You might even be surprised by how long it takes for them to completely stop trying to contact you; surprisingly they may continue to reach out to you for days, months, or even years down the line. My ex reached out to me for years after going no contact.

Going no contact is not just about cutting your ex out of your life; it also allows you to see exactly what was happening in the relationship and finally gives you a chance to see the relationship for what it really was abuse. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or any emotional predator they constantly manipulate you to keep you under their control.

The only way that they can do this is by keeping up constant mind games with you which are designed to confuse you. When the confusion sets in, they’re able to start playing on your emotions and using you as a dumpster for all their projections and repressions. Chances are that your feelings and emotions were constantly invalidated while at the same time they wouldn’t hesitate to shame you for having certain villains or thoughts if it suited them.

They did this because that’s how emotional predators work. They continually tried their hardest to get inside your head and make you think that everything is your fault. They need to be in control of what you’re thinking otherwise they can’t manipulate you as easily as they want.

Going no contact.

If the narcissist had their way they would live rent-free inside your head, so you need to cut them off completely, block them from every social media network and make them lose interest in trying to make you feel bad or guilty about anything. At this point, the only way to do this is by going no contact. When you go no contact with the narcissist, they shouldn’t have any reason to contact you doesn’t mean that they won’t try, but their target is now gone.

Their time is now better spent moving on to their next victim. The end goal is to make their targets feel like they’re not good enough without them, which in turn makes it easier for them to manipulate and control you. When narcissist knows that they have the power of hurting you, then they will keep trying harder to do it again.

The longer you stay away from them, the harder it will be for the narcissist to get you back under their control. The longer you stay out of their control the clearer your vision will become, and once your vision is clearer you’ll begin to wonder how you ever fell for the games in the first place. Now going no contact is not an easy task. There are some important steps you must take if you want to successfully implement the no-contact rule. Such as,

Under no circumstance should you have face-to-face interaction with the narcissist. If there are places you previously frequented together and you think they may be there, avoid these places at all costs to reduce the likelihood of running into them.

Do not initiate contact by calling, texting, or emailing The Narcissist for any reason, this will only restart the cycle of abuse.

Block the narcissist’s phone number and email addresses, ensuring not to answer incoming calls from unfamiliar numbers, unknown numbers, or no caller ID numbers.

Unfortunately, you may even have to change your number as they may begin to call you from random telephone numbers that are not on your block list.

Remove the narcissist from the follower or friends list of all your social media accounts then block them from refunding or re-adding you. Depending on how persistent they are they may create fake profiles to keep tabs on you so you may need to deactivate your account for some time to avoid contact.

Do not check their social media accounts to keep tabs on them. This will only keep them on your mind and make the process harder.

If you have mutual friends that are not supporting your decision to go any contact with the narcissist, or they are encouraging you to communicate with the narcissist you may have to cut them off as well. Likely the narcissist has shown the mutual friend a different side of themselves than they have shown you, so they may not understand your reasoning for not giving them a second chance. (You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decision)

Don’t share any personal information with any friends who are also Friends of the narcissist. This way they will not have any Intel to give the narcissist to use against you. Also, change the subject anytime they try to bring up any information about the narcissist. If this continues to be a problem, you may have to sever ties with that particular friend.

Hoovering.

Try to stay away from any place that you think you may encounter the narcissist, avoiding their home workplace, as well as other frequent locations. Did that sound extreme? I’m sure it did but trust me it’s not. Depending on the narcissist even after you follow all these steps to implement no contact they may still find a way to contact you. If you follow the steps to implement no contact and the narcissist has shown up at places that you frequent then this is a form of hovering.

Hovering happens when the narcissist feels that they are losing their source of narcissistic supply. When they feel like they’re losing your attention, they will become desperate and try to pull you back into their manipulation. If they’re unable to get in touch with you by phone, text, email, or social media they may show up at your house and knock on your door.

They can show up in the parking lot after you get off work, at the gym, at the grocery store, at church, or anywhere. If this happens don’t engage them and don’t overreact. Just ignore them and turn to your support system for help. Get the police involved if you don’t feel safe. This should go without saying, but you must not communicate with the narcissist because it just gives them more ammunition and resources to continue their manipulation, and control over you through their use of guilt, anger, and fear.

Unfortunately, this was never a normal relationship, it didn’t start like a normal relationship and it likely won’t end like one either. The best thing you can do is continue to educate yourself on the patterns of narcissism to make yourself aware of their next steps. The more you learn the more prepared you will be in dealing with these interactions. They’re all individuals but they all follow very similar patterns. Knowing these patterns will better prepare you to understand their next move.