By the end of this article, you’re going to know what their favorite sayings are and what they mean when they say them. Remember that a narcissist likes to devalue, likes to judge, likes to put people down, and likes to make sure that everyone in the room knows that they’re better than you. What’s going on inside a narcissist is that they feel smaller than everybody else.
Why Narcissists Act the Way They Do
They have no inner sense of value. They’re scared. That’s the biggest secret of all. You are the stronger one. You are the more secure one. But they want you to think that you’re not; they want to project everything they can onto you.
1. Making the Conversation About Themselves
Number one is, “You interrupted me,” or “You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.” This is a great way for the narcissist to deflect and to make sure that you are devalued. Whatever point it is you’re trying to make, you interrupted them, and so now the conversation comes back to all about them.
They’re no longer having a conversation about whatever it is that you were trying to say. It’s all about how you interrupted, how you didn’t let them finish, how their point was much more important than whatever it is that you have to say, and now you’re off on that tangent maybe it’s that they didn’t like the tone of how you said it or that you brought it up at that point.
Whatever it is, they’re going to come up with some reason that the point you’re trying to make at this moment doesn’t have any value because of the way you presented it, how you presented it, when you presented it, or that you interrupted, or whatever it is. It’s a way of actually saying, “Whatever you said doesn’t matter right now.”
2. Manipulation Tactics
The second thing is, “Just because I didn’t…” So, for example, “Just because I didn’t do what you said when you wanted me to.” This is a way of narcissistic manipulation. They’re trying to make you feel guilty, like, “Oh, just because they didn’t do it exactly the way you wanted,” or “Just because I didn’t do it exactly when you wanted to.”
They’re trying to make you feel like you’re the controlling one, trying to make you feel like you’re the one who has the issue like maybe you’re the uptight one, and you don’t want to be the uptight person. So, you pull back, saying, “Well, I didn’t mean that you had to do it right now,” or “I didn’t mean that you didn’t do it good enough,” or whatever.
So now you’re suddenly apologizing, which is exactly what they want because they want to turn it back on you. They aren’t the ones with the problem it’s you. You’re the one with the problem. That’s their projection of whatever their issues are, projected back onto you.
3. Turning Issues on Others
Number three is, “What about your issues?” So, when you try to say, “Hey, you didn’t take out the trash,” or “You didn’t pick up the kids on time,” or, “You said that you would make dinner and you didn’t,” or whatever some kind of thing like, “You didn’t pay the bill, and you said you were going to pay it” when you’re pointing out something to them that they did or didn’t do, they turn around and say, “
Yeah, but you also have this,” or “You said this before,” or “It’s okay because you’ve done that.” They just turn it around and say, “Hey, because you’ve done it before,” or “Because you have that issue.” Let’s not talk about me and my problem. Let’s certainly not make me take responsibility for anything, including my behavior, because let’s talk about you and your problems. If this all sounds super familiar to you, give me a “nailed it” in the comments.
4. Fake Apologies Used by Narcissists
The next one is, “I’m sorry, what more do you want from me?” This is called a narcissistic faux apology. If you want to know more about whether a narcissist apologizes or means it if they do, make sure you check out my video “Does a Narcissist Apologize and If They Do,
Do They Mean It?” because I talk much more about the narcissistic faux apology and what’s going on when narcissists apologize. But a lot of times, what you’ll hear is, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t be perfect for you,” “I’m sorry that you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry, it didn’t go the way you wanted it to exactly,” or “I’m sorry, I couldn’t be exactly what you wanted” something like that.
That’s not an apology. It’s a manipulation, again turning it back onto you because now you’re the one who goes, “No, I didn’t mean that you’re not perfect. No, I didn’t mean that you…” So now here you are, again, assuaging their ego, putting the focus back on them, back onto their ego. Let’s get that focus off of whatever it is that you want and back onto what we need to do to give them a narcissistic supply.
5. How Narcissists Make Everything Your Fault
The next thing they say is, “You made me.” “You made me cheat on you.” “You made me act irresponsibly.” “You made me have to move out.” “You made me have to lose my job.” Whatever bad thing is going on that they did, it’s your fault. You did it. You made me. “
If you had been better, if you had been less, if you had been more, if you had been whatever, you made it happen it’s all your fault.” It’s all on your shoulders that this happened, including cheating on you, not making enough money, or whatever it is that you may have an issue with them about.
6. How Narcissists Make You Feel Weird
The last one that I have for you today is, “You’re the only one who thinks that.” So, what narcissists often try to do is gaslight you, try to make you feel bad, try to make you feel like you’re the only one who thinks that way because “the whole neighborhood thinks that I’m amazing,” because they’ve lined up their flying monkeys. Especially covert narcissists are good at this.
What they’re trying to do is make you think that you are nuts, that you’re the only one who feels this way about this person. You’re the only one who thinks this way about a certain thing that they’re trying to convince you of.
So, therefore, you’re the weird one, you’re the oddball. So you go, “Well, I don’t want to be weird. I don’t want to be odd. I don’t want to be the odd man out.” “I guess I’ll go along since everybody else thinks whatever the narcissist is trying to convince you of.” So that’s what’s going on with that.
