In this discussion, we will delve into five key things that narcissists hate, shedding light on their insecurities, fears, and the ways they manipulate others to maintain their fragile self-image. From their inability to handle happiness in others to their deep-seated self-loathing, these insights reveal the inner turmoil that drives narcissistic behavior and the challenges of dealing with such individuals.
Number One: Narcissists Hate Seeing People Happy
Since narcissists battle with their self-image on a daily basis, it is very hard for them to see confident people. Narcissists don’t know who they are, so it bothers them when they are surrounded by secure, happy people. A narcissist will pretend to be satisfied with themselves and their life, but deep down, they are constantly fighting an internal battle. This person is never truly content and confident with who they are, even though they put on a facade displaying the complete opposite.
It is especially hard for narcissists to see others in happy and healthy romantic relationships. Narcissists know that it is nearly impossible for them to maintain romantic relationships. When they see two people in love, they are faced with the fact that it is something they can never have. It is common for narcissists to have had numerous past failed relationships, each ending horribly and dramatically. A narcissist is aware that eventually, whoever their partner is will see their true colors and ultimately leave them.
It is hard for a narcissist to fathom going through another situation like that again, where their ego will be severely bruised. The narcissist who was once in my life was constantly putting others down who were in relationships. He always made comments about how toxic they were for each other. He acted as if he was an expert on how a real relationship should be, even though he had never been in a successful one himself or one that didn’t end up bursting in flames.
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He was bothered by the fact that two people could actually rely on each other in a relationship. To him, a healthy relationship meant that the individuals could not be alone or were not independent people. He saw this as a horrible thing. He couldn’t imagine ever putting another person before himself. Sadly, clearly seeing happy relationships upset him because he was well aware that he didn’t have the capacity to experience love or to care for another human being, which is obviously needed for a relationship to succeed.
My narcissist was very jealous of people who could so easily feel crucial emotions like love and empathy.
Number Two: Being Ignored
It is very ironic that narcissists have no problem giving you the silent treatment when you upset them, but they will freak out or have a total meltdown when they feel they are being ignored or that you are acting differently toward them. Maybe you are finally realizing your worth and starting to pull away from the narcissist. They will sense this happening and do anything and everything to prevent you from leaving them. They will pull out all the stops that they failed to do before.
This is known as love bombing, where one overwhelms you with kindness and affection all at once in order to win you back. But this act will never last since it’s not who they really are. When a narcissist pulls this trick on you, you may actually believe them and think they’ve actually changed. I mean, it’s not hard to fall for this a narcissist can be pretty convincing. Unfortunately, it’s all an act. One thing about a narcissist is that they are very good at being someone they’re not, but the mask can only be on for so long.
Narcissists hate being ignored because their only goal in life is to get admiration from others. They want to be desired. They want everyone to see them as the best thing on the planet. They want to feel good about themselves at all times. They cannot feel good about themselves on their own; they need a supply—or other people to do this for them. This is usually achieved by manipulating others in various ways.
Over time, narcissists will figure out what tactics work best on whom. Sometimes, they will even play the victim card so you feel sorry for them, then they can further manipulate you to get what they want. When one of the narcissist’s supplies is ignoring them, they become angry. They want to feel adored by as many people as possible so they are constantly having high self-esteem.
To summarize, if you want to make a narcissist panic, just ignore them. They will most likely try to win you back or do everything in their power to locate a new source of supply as quickly as possible. When a narcissist is extremely desperate, they may even go back to an old supply especially if they know that person is easy to manipulate.
Number Three: Feeling Shame
Narcissists feel constant shame, but it’s not for the reason you might think. It is not because they are sorry for the pain that they caused you or for the damage that they’ve done to your self-esteem. It actually doesn’t have anything to do with you or how they treated you. It is an internal battle they struggle with. They absolutely hate feeling shame. It makes them realize how flawed of an individual they really are.
Shame, insecurities, fear, and worthlessness are at the root of why a narcissist is the way they are. But they try to disguise it as best they can, which usually results in them hurting others instead of acknowledging their feelings and trying to deal with them in a healthy way. A narcissist just shoves them away.
A narcissist is not capable of sincere personal growth because this would mean they would have to face the feeling of shame. When I was with my narcissist, he would often admit that he had problems he needed to work on within himself, but he never took the initiative to actually make changes. It was all talk. It was just another one of his manipulation tactics to get me to stay around. He knew what I wanted to hear.
So, if you ever are in the unfortunate situation of being involved with a narcissist, remember that even if they apologize and say they are going to change, don’t automatically believe them. They have to want to do the work for themselves—not just to keep you in their life. You need proof of actions. Words are not enough. And it takes a lot of time and work for a narcissist to change. It is not a miracle that happens overnight.
Because a narcissist hates feeling shame, as soon as they feel the emotion coming on, they will dismiss it as quickly as possible. They will try to hide it, twist it, project it, lie about it, or blame others for how they are feeling. When they project their shameful feelings, it is usually on whoever is around them and an easy target in the moment.
Showing a narcissist compassion when they are dealing with shame will not help. You will never fully understand the narcissist. You will always feel like there is a wall between you and them that prevents you from getting close and having a real connection like you would in a normal relationship. A narcissist is at war with themselves. This is not even a battle you should attempt to help them fight. You will only get caught in the crossfire and damage yourself.
Number Four: Your Imperfections
No matter how attractive you were at first to a narcissist, they will eventually find a flaw in you and put you down for it. It could be the smallest thing. They will start to hate you since they’ve come to the realization that you aren’t perfect. News flash: nobody is.
A narcissist is always looking for someone better. They always want the best. They always want more. They are never satisfied with what they have right in front of them, and they always think that there is someone out there who will understand them better and be their perfect match. However, there is no one on the planet who will actually be able to fully understand a narcissist and have a happy, fulfilled relationship with them. If the narcissist willingly goes to therapy to work on themselves, then it’s a different story. Without therapy, it is hopeless.
When a narcissist is pointing out your flaws, it is really a reflection of how they view themselves. A narcissist is fully aware that there are a lot of things wrong with them, so they have to point out all your faults instead to make them feel better, more superior, and better about themselves.
My narcissist would constantly make fun of my personality, my looks, my athletic ability, my intelligence literally everything under the sun any chance he got.
Number Five: Themselves
Narcissists will often treat you as if you are the worst person on this Earth. It is as if they hate you to their core. They may even tell you that they do mine did. Truth be told, they hate themselves more. They hate not being able to feel what you feel. They know this will prevent them from having fulfilling relationships with others. Instead, they will live a lonely, sad life if they never change their ways. They will just change the victim instead, which is very sad.
My narcissist once told me he wished he could love like I could, but he just couldn’t feel that. This was the one time where I actually felt like he was being honest with me. It was sad to hear. It is sad to know that there are actually people in the world like this. What a miserable life to live.
He would also say that he wished I could live inside his head for one day and see the kind of thoughts he was constantly having. When dealing with narcissists especially the more vulnerable ones who like to play the victim it is hard not to feel sorry for them. After all, we do possess empathy. We have strong emotions toward others who are suffering. We want to help these people. We want them to be happy. We want to show them what love is.
But they will never accept our love or love in general. And unfortunately, they will never be able to return it. They can never be consistent. They will never be able to give us what we need, and that is why you have to walk away no matter how hard it is.
A narcissist is a damaged individual with a lot of baggage. If you decide to stay, you will not only feel like you need to carry their emotional baggage for them, but you will damage yourself in the process. And then, after they have left you, you will be left with nothing. You will then go through hell trying to heal and get your old self back.
