Step 5: Be elusive
Turn the tables with a cat-and-mouse strategy. Narcissists thrive on control and conquest, losing interest in what’s too easily won. Become a challenging prize busy, independent, not always available. When your time and attention are scarce, their desire spikes. Research, like Dr. Wendy Walsh’s insights in Disarming the Narcissist, shows they’re drawn to confidence and resilience.
This isn’t about winning their love it’s about leverage. They’ll work harder to engage you, granting you strategic respect. Keep your emotions and thoughts partially hidden, as Dr. Craig Malkin suggests in Rethinking Narcissism. Independence creates allure, preserving your dignity and control.
Step 6: Learn to say no
Saying “no” to a narcissist is a bold act of autonomy. It disrupts their manipulation and protects your boundaries. Identify what feels exploitative, then reject it decisively: “I can’t do that” or “I don’t agree.” Be prepared for backlash anger, blame, or silence but don’t falter. As Dr. Henry Cloud notes, boundaries define your limits. Saying “no” affirms your worth, forcing them to recognize you’re not an easy target. Eleanor Roosevelt’s wisdom rings true: no one can diminish you without your consent.
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