When you finally cut a narcissist off, the real games begin. If you think they will just leave you alone, think again. Here are six things narcissists do when you go no contact, so you can be prepared and stay one step ahead of them. Are you ready? Let’s go!
Number one: Hoovering.
When you go no contact with someone who has a destructive narcissistic personality pattern, often the very first thing you’re going to have to contend with is their relentless hoovering meaning their attempts to suck you back into the toxic abuse cycle.
A narcissist never truly lets go, not really. Whether it’s from the moment you draw a line in the sand and shut the door for good or after the dust settles, at some point, you can expect a highly manipulative and calculated attempt to pull you back in. And certainly, not always, but sometimes, how they’ll do this is they’ll suddenly apologize.
I know, shocking and completely out of character. But they’re not doing so genuinely or wholeheartedly no, only to the necessary degree. The absolute bare minimum is what you’ll hear because, in reality, they don’t mean it. They’ll pretend to hear you, they get it now, and therefore, “Okay, okay, they’re sorry,” all right, sort of thing. And hand on heart, they may even promise they’ll change for real this time. Please, here’s what you need to know: they haven’t changed, and they aren’t going to change whatsoever.
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They’re full of it, and you’re being manipulated. So, whatever you do, do not fall for it, no matter what they promise. Narcissists are infamous for making promises that they have zero intention of keeping. And here’s the kicker when it comes to narcissistic hoovering specifically: something many people don’t realize and aren’t at all prepared for is that it can happen years later and I do mean years, sometimes many years.
Why? Well, because narcissists are fundamentally lazy. It’s a whole lot easier to cycle back to an old source of supply than it is to go out and do the work to find a new source, a new target. So, don’t be surprised when they reach out many months, if not years, after the fact. And when that happens, be clear: see it for what it is nothing more than manipulation and lies, future faking, and false promises. All of it. And your job is to stay strong in the face of it. Do not fall for any of it. And if you want to dive deeper into the subject of narcissistic hoovering, check out this video here.
Number two: When their hoovering attempts fail, the narcissist gets busy gathering allies.
The moment you go no contact and the narcissist realizes you aren’t playing, they’ll quickly switch gears and go directly into PR mode. They’ll start rallying a team of allies around them, and if they can do it, that team of allies will include your mutual friends, members of your family, and even your co-workers telling anyone who will listen to their version of events, which more often than not has very little, if anything at all, to do with the truth or reality.
But that’s no problem for the narcissist. They never let a silly little thing like the truth get in the way of whatever end they’re after, including manipulating other people’s perceptions especially when, again, they realize that you aren’t playing anymore and they’re no longer going to be able to have their way with you.
When that’s the case, they’ll spin the narrative to make themselves look and sound like the victim and you the big bad villain every single time, no matter what they’ve done. You’ll be called a bully, among other things, and you’ll be accused of doing and being the very things they have done and been.
They’ll twist facts, exaggerate, embellish, and flat-out lie whatever it takes to control how others see you, what they think of you, and how they feel about you. And your job in all of this is to get your self-esteem to a place where you don’t care at all. You can rise above it and stay focused on what matters namely, you and your own healing and recovery process. Here’s the thing: you know the truth, so you have to get yourself to a place where that’s enough. And I know it can be extremely painful when you’re in the thick of it, but I assure you, if you do the right things, you can get there faster than you imagine.
Number three: They flaunt their new source of supply.
Narcissists don’t do it alone very well not if they can help it. They have to have a target, a source of emotional and energetic supply, which is what I mean when I say narcissistic supply. Up until you went no contact, that was you. Now, you’re out, you’re done for real. And the moment you cut them off and mean it, they’ll be on the hunt for a replacement, assuming they don’t already have one waiting in the wings somewhere.
Maybe it’s an ex they’ve managed to pull back in, maybe it’s someone brand new. Either way, as soon as they’re able, they’ll flaunt this new relationship on social media, in public, or even directly in front of you if they can do it. And why do they do this? Well, to get a reaction, of course, to have an impact and, hopefully, a significant negative impact.
That’s how powerless they are. So powerless are they that this is all they’ve got to feel powerful and significant. In their distorted reality, they assume you’re wired just like they are meaning they assume that you’re jealous, insecure, obsessed, even again, just like they are, even when you’re none of those things.
They’re convinced this flaunting of the new supply will hurt you, so they go to great lengths to put on a whole performance again if they can get away with it. And the solution to all of this nonsense is this: don’t play their game at all. Block, delete, unfollow, unsubscribe, and unplug entirely across the board as much as you’re able. Do not give them the opportunity or the satisfaction. Protect your peace of mind and your peace of heart at all costs.
Number four: Narcissists are opportunistic.
Meaning, that they’ll wait for a moment of weakness or vulnerability something, anything they might be able to take advantage of to get their foot in the door again. Here’s the thing: if the narcissist can’t pull you back into the toxic abuse cycle right away, they’ll bide their time. They’ll watch, even from a distance, and they’ll wait. And when you’re at your lowest after a loss, a crisis, or for whatever reason you’re in a position of vulnerability they’ll reappear, sometimes out of nowhere, as if like magic. And the goal? To exploit you and your vulnerability, your pain.
This is why doing the real healing and recovery work is so vital and, in my experience, non-negotiable. When you do your work and you sever the invisible energetic ties permanently, you become untouchable and bulletproof. And no matter what ups and downs you may go through, no matter what life throws at you, you will never be susceptible to narcissistic abuse ever again.
Number five: They’ll assassinate your character via a deliberate and well-orchestrated smear campaign.
If the narcissist can’t get through to you when they realize you’ve closed the door for real and for good, they have zero power or sway over you, they just can’t get through they attack your character, your reputation, and your relationships. This is next-level manipulation and abuse, even when done from a distance. The gathering of allies was just the warm-up.
Now, they go all in spreading outrageous lies about you, twisting the truth beyond recognition, and turning people against you, including your own family and even your kids if they can manage it. And it can be brutal and very painful, to say the least. But here’s the truth: anyone who believes the narcissist’s narrative without so much as giving you the benefit of the doubt never mind the benefit of a conversation is someone who was never truly on your side to begin with.
So, see it for what it is, accept it for what it is, do your healing and recovery work, and get your self-esteem to a place where it doesn’t matter. You are rock solid, no matter what the narcissist has to say and no matter who believes them. Let them talk. You stay focused on your healing, your own life getting your life to a much healthier, happier, and more peaceful place than it ever could be with a narcissist in it. Trust me, time has a funny way of bringing truth to light, especially when we stay in our lane and stay focused on doing what’s right doing what we need to do for ourselves to heal for real and move on to living our best life. That’s where your true power lies.
Number six: They seek revenge.
If they still can’t get to you, they’ll escalate their tactics and seek revenge. If they have any leverage over you financially, legally, or emotionally you can be sure they’ll use it. They might drag you through legal battles out of sheer spite, even to their detriment. Narcissists are the epitome of “cut off your nose to spite your face.” As long as they hurt you, they don’t care who they hurt or inconvenience in the process including themselves. Oddly, in addition, they might sabotage opportunities in your career or your personal life.
They’ll try to ruin your credibility again, if they can get away with it. Why? Well, because narcissists see boundaries as a form of betrayal. And in their twisted mind, betrayal deserves punishment. And your job in a situation like this is to take away their power any power or leverage they may have over you. Be smart and be proactive.
Protect yourself before they strike. And remember: narcissists move on, but they never really let go not really. Even when they’re in a new relationship, for sure, at some point, the narcissist will shift their focus to a new target, a new source of supply, as I said earlier. But don’t be fooled: you’re still on their radar. Again, they might circle back many years later.
They’ll pop up unexpectedly, seemingly out of nowhere. To a narcissist, people aren’t people they’re playthings, possessions, and targets to manipulate, dominate, dupe, deceive, exploit, and control. So, stay strong. Keep your boundaries firm, unapologetic, and non-negotiable. You’ve got this.
