5 Ways Your Silence Destroys a Narcissist -

If I ask you, what is a narcissist’s biggest fear? What are they terrified of? You may answer, “Well, it’s exposure. They may lose it all if exposed, so they’re afraid of it.” But what if I tell you that is not it? Their biggest fear is silence. They’re terrified of it, which is why they keep themselves distracted all the time.

When there is silence, there is space, everything calms down, and there’s nothing to stay hooked onto. When that happens to a narcissist, they are forced to face the shame they have been suppressing for years, they have been running away from.

They’re forced to sit with themselves and that burns them inside out. Silence is a narcissist’s Kryptonite, silence is noise to them. Let’s explore this further in today’s article.

Number 1: They feel powerless when they fail to get you talking.

They need words coming out of your mouth, you to feel emotions, and you to keep reacting to what they do to you or what they say. They need you to let them puppeteer you, they need you to let them push your buttons. But once you stop all of that and you zip your lips, you go silent on them, that is when they go crazy.

They can’t stand it because they can’t read you, they cannot guess what’s going on and what you’re plotting against them. And the chatter they project onto you starts consuming them, which is why sometimes it can be extremely difficult to deal with a narcissist when going silent, when not giving them any responses whatsoever.

When you give them silence, they start feeling pressure in their chest, they start feeling shame all of a sudden, they can’t stand it and they start feeling like a failure. They’re the ones who are supposed to give you silent treatment, you can’t do that to them. No, they have to have the upper hand.

So when you stop reacting, when you give them your silence, that is when they actually lose and then they try other ways to regain control, they push you left, right, and center. But silence is what they can’t stand for, silence means the absence of emotions for them.

Number 2: They need to know what you’re cooking in your head.

What’s going on to be able to strategize against you? When you do not talk, when you do not send those long replies, they can’t read you emotionally, they can’t decide what to do next, whether to abandon you or not. What state are you in currently and how that can be weaponized against you?

For example, if you are trying your best to make this relationship work and you are trying to express your pain to them through those long messages and long emails, then now you are in a very raw state and they can breadcrumb you, they can tell you anything they want to regain your trust and fool you one more time. But when you do not respond, they’re the ones sending long messages and long emails only to accuse you of things you haven’t done.

Their paranoia makes them believe that you are constantly planning and plotting, you are basically about to do things that they do to other people. A narcissist quite blindly thinks that everybody functions like them, which is why they don’t care about hurting people. Well, that’s one of the reasons why they don’t care, they think everybody does the same BS to each other and they move along.

It’s a normalized thing in a narcissist’s mind. So not having any power over you by not knowing what you’re up to and how you could strike them, triggers anxiety, panic, panic attacks, and a narcissist’s unpredictability is their Kryptonite as well. They can be unpredictable to you but they can’t, like your unpredictability.

Number 3: Silence is boring to a narcissist

The chaos they contain within is extreme, they have to stay distracted or otherwise, it will start consuming them. They can’t stand peace, they can’t stand calmness either and that is why they will start a fight with you without a reason. Nothing may be going on and there comes the narcissist interrogating you about something you said six months ago and why you said that and what you mean by that and you start explaining yourself, justifying yourself, defending yourself, which then eventually turns into a big argument ruining your weekends, your days, not knowing what exactly happened and what was the need of that.

You see their internal environment needs to be in equilibrium with the external one, if there is an imbalance, of course, this is going to ooze out. That’s why they sync what is within with what is without, what is outside of them to maintain a balance. And that’s why you may have noticed once they fight with you, once they leave you distraught, they feel better. Once they argue with you and then drain out your life energy, they are okay.

The crazy thing is that they can fall asleep within seconds after fighting with you, while you are crying, trying to make sense of what just hit you, what happened. They’ll be already enjoying that slumber. It is unjust, it’s cruel and that’s why you won’t be wrong in calling a narcissist or vampire entity or a predator because they are one.

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Number 4: When you go silent on a narcissist, they feel insulted.

When you go silent on a narcissist, they feel insulted. Narcissists demand respect, no matter how they treat you, they want you to bow before them, they want you to act like a doormat, they want you to greet them every morning with a smile on your face, they want you to look at them and be subservient, be compliant. But when you start going silent when you stop responding to them when you stop acting like a puppet because they treat you like one, they feel insulted, their narcissistic self is extremely fragile and it gets injured.

To take revenge, they punish you by giving you more silence or by taking away things that you need for your survival. I’m talking about a scenario between a narcissistic parent and a child. I was never allowed to stay silent as a child. It’s quite natural to not want to respond or talk to the person who is constantly abusing you. It’s not just a small fight, it’s something that you cannot tolerate and you can’t escape.

So to show some rebellion, I would not respond immediately and if I did that, he would rage and come towards me, like a raging bull, to just lift me on his horns and tear me apart. Silence always meant physical abuse, you would get hit if you did not or do not respond immediately. That’s how it was in my home, that’s what I grew up around. Silence sometimes is not an option because silence, to a narcissistic parent, means defiance of the child or the partner.

Number 5: Silence means sanity.

They know if they give you space, if they let you be silent, you will start thinking and they don’t want you to keep thinking, they want you to just listen and do what they want you to do. They want you to act robotic. They know if they let you be, you will start feeling things and that might override your cognitive dissonance, the confusion, is he bad? Is she bad? Maybe she is not.

In someone, the inner splitting, maybe you will see through them, maybe you will understand, maybe you will find out who you are dealing with. They want you to keep running, as I said, they want you to keep walking on eggshells, they want you to stay hyper-vigilant and when you’re hyper-vigilant, the chatter goes on from them as well as in your brain.

They don’t want to take any chances, no, they want to keep consuming you all the time, 24/7, so that your head stays where it should be according to them. They also know if you bring it back to yourself, if you gain access to your self-agency, they will lose because you will realize that they are not as great as they make themselves to be or they are not as innocent as they say they are and you’re not as guilty as they blame you to be.

Silence sometimes can be freeing but only for you, for a narcissist, these are the most horrible chains, the strongest chains they can ever get stuck in.