MYTH 5: “Just forget about them” (why understanding is essential)
Our fifth and final myth is one you’ve probably heard from well-meaning friends: “Just focus on yourself and forget about them.” While self-focus is certainly important, simply trying to forget the experience denies you crucial aspects of meaningful, lasting healing.
Here’s why this advice falls short: Understanding NPD patterns is essential to processing what happened to you. Without this understanding, your brain can’t make sense of the confusing, painful experiences you went through.
Think about it: Without understanding what narcissistic abuse actually is, many survivors end up blaming themselves for the relationship failure. You might think, “If only I’d been more patient,” “If I hadn’t triggered them,” or “Maybe I was expecting too much from them.” These are the types of thoughts that keep you in self-blame.
What works instead?
Learning about NPD abuse patterns while rebuilding your life at the same time. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive activities; they support each other.
Education about specific manipulation tactics like gaslighting, triangulation, and love bombing helps your brain make sense of experiences that felt chaotic and confusing while you were in them. That light bulb moment, that “aha” moment when you recognize a pattern, can be both incredibly painful at first but also incredibly freeing and most of all, healing.
The best approach combines understanding what happened with forward-focused healing: looking back to make sense of your experience, reflecting but not dwelling, while you also look forward to creating a better and more authentic future.
How has learning about NPD abuse patterns helped you make sense of your experience? What still confuses you?
help other survivors realize that they’re not alone.
Read More: The Most Dangerous Type of Covert Narcissist
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