MYTH 3: “You’re choosing to be a victim” (brain science says otherwise)
Myth number three is especially harmful: “If you’re still upset, you’re choosing to be a victim.” This toxic myth essentially blames you for having completely normal trauma responses to some extremely abnormal treatment.
Here’s what’s happening: Your brain and nervous system have been legitimately injured by psychological abuse. This is not metaphorical it is literal. Brain scans of trauma survivors show measurable differences in how certain regions function after exposure to ongoing psychological abuse.
Healing takes time because you’re rewiring neural pathways that were damaged by manipulation. You wouldn’t tell somebody with a broken leg to just walk normally again or accuse them of choosing to limp. Yet, people say the equivalent to NPD abuse survivors all the time.
What works instead?
Honoring your trauma responses as protective mechanisms. Your brain develops these responses to keep you safe in a dangerous situation. That hypervigilance, the constant scanning for threats, the trust issues, the anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere are not character flaws. They are your brain trying its absolute best to protect you from further harm.
Real recovery happens when you work with these responses instead of shaming yourself for having them. When you understand your reactions make perfect sense in the context of the situation you experienced, you can begin the process of gently remolding and reshaping them.
How has this understanding that your reactions are normal trauma responses, not choices changed your healing journey?
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