5 Clues to Spot a Narcissist in Conversations -

Most narcissists are talkers; they want to gather listeners. They have this talent to keep you hooked, interested, or triggered in conversations. Don’t you know how damaging their words are to your mental health? They want to play with your mind by influencing or brainwashing you. You might not have noticed you’ve been listening to a narcissist for a while now. Trust me, you will feel cringed and annoyed once you realize something is wrong with how they talk to you and others.

Spotting narcissists in conversation can be challenging, but they have certain behaviors and patterns that will expose their narcissism. To detect if you are talking to a narcissist, here are five clues to watch for.

Are you ready to know the top one?

1. Narcissists love to talk about their lives.

Narcissists love to talk about their life story the entire time. I bet you have met someone who always acts as a narrator of their life story, and I know some of you are just trying to be friendly and patient enough not to interrupt them. One of the clues to spotting narcissists in conversations is that they tend to highlight their lives. Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Ramani Durvasula once said, “Narcissists love to tell their stories and make themselves the center of attention. They are often the hero or the victim in their tales.”

Narcissists also tend to interrupt and talk over others, not caring about what anyone else has to say. It feels like they’re holding an invisible remote control and muting you and others. It’s hard to get a word in; no matter the topic, they find a way to bring it back to themselves. They’re always fishing for compliments and looking for validation.

“You fooler. Did I do good?” “You did great.”

You’ll also hear them talk about grand plans or fantasies of success, power, or brilliance that seem pretty unrealistic. These exaggerated stories and their constant need for praise can be a big giveaway that you’re dealing with a narcissist.

Let me teach you something: don’t be afraid to speak out when caught up in this situation. Everyone has freedom of speech. You can say, “I’d like to finish what I was saying,” or “Let’s hear what others think.” If the narcissist keeps taking over the conversation, you might want to spend less time with them. Ask yourself, “What benefit do I get from listening to their self-centered storytelling? Are they worth my time, attention, and energy?”

2. Narcissists don’t accept constructive criticism.

What would you feel if someone gave you negative feedback? Of course, you would feel bad, right? And it’s normal to feel that way if you receive a negative comment. But how you deal with it will define your character and personality. If someone constantly rejects constructive criticism or friendly advice, it means they have narcissistic tendencies.

Narcissists always think they know best and don’t like to hear that they might be wrong. Try giving a narcissist feedback, and you’ll see what I mean. They get defensive or angry because they want to protect their ego. As Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, puts it, “Narcissists can’t stand to be criticized. To them, it’s like being hit by a truck.” When you point out a mistake, they’ll often come up with a hundred reasons why it’s someone else’s fault. They’re like Teflon – nothing sticks to them.

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When dealing with a narcissist, highlight how accepting feedback can benefit them. Narcissists are often motivated by personal gain, so showing how your advice can help them succeed might make them more open to listening. You might also try framing your feedback in a way that doesn’t feel like a personal attack. Use “I” instead of “you” statements. If the narcissist continues to reject your feedback, it’s better to stay away from them before they explode.

3. Narcissists twist facts or reality.

Have you ever doubted your feelings or memory after talking to someone? One of the biggest clues that you’re dealing with a narcissist is when they start questioning your reality and perception. You might say, “I remember you said this,” and they’ll respond, “No, I never said that; you’re imagining things.” Suddenly, you’re second-guessing yourself, thinking maybe you got it wrong.

This mind-bending tactic is known as gaslighting, and it’s a favorite tool of narcissists. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, describes gaslighting as “the ultimate mind game.” Gaslighting is a sneaky way for narcissists to stay in control; they keep you off balance by brainwashing you. They enjoy messing with your sanity.

When a narcissist tries to gaslight you, the best thing you can do is stay calm and assertive. Don’t let them see you sweat. Politely but firmly stand your ground by saying, “I remember it differently,” or “I don’t agree with your version of events.” This helps you maintain your sense of reality and shows them that you’re not an easy target. If narcissists continue to gaslight you, documenting your conversations can be a lifesaver. Write things down, save texts, and keep emails. This way, when they try to twist reality, you have proof to back up your memories. Remember, they thrive on creating doubt and chaos, so staying steady is critical.

4. Narcissists will give you unsolicited advice.

Have you ever received advice from someone you never asked for? Sometimes, we only need a friend to listen to us without judgment. One of the clues that you’re dealing with a narcissist in conversation is when they start offering unsolicited advice. They act like they’ve got life all figured out and can’t wait to enlighten you with their wisdom. It’s like having an unwanted life coach, except instead of helping you, their advice is more likely to get you into trouble.

Narcissists love to think they’re the smartest person in the room. They’ll tell you to do things exactly how they do, as if their method is the gold standard. Remember that saying, “Advice is like mushrooms; the wrong kind can prove fatal.” Well, their advice is the poisonous variety. It’s all about feeding their ego and making them feel better about themselves, not about offering you genuine support or guidance.

If the advice is intrusive or unwelcome, setting boundaries is okay. You can say, “I appreciate your input, but I prefer to handle this my way.” Of course, they will get offended if you don’t take their advice, but keep this in mind: your life, your rules.

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5. Narcissists display envy and belittle others.

One surefire way to spot a narcissist in conversation is by how they handle other people’s successes and failures. If you share something you’re proud of, a narcissist will find a way to downplay it. Got a promotion? They’ll say it’s not that big of a deal. Won an award? They’ll mention how it’s not a prestigious one. They’re allergic to your success and must pop their antihistamine of envy by belittling your achievements.

On the other hand, if you talk about something that didn’t go well, they’ll jump on it. They’ll remind you of every mistake and love pointing out where you went wrong. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, says that narcissists get a kick out of other people’s misfortunes because it makes them feel better about themselves. They carry a mental scoreboard, and your losses add points to their side.

Listen closely: it’s not about you; it’s all about their fragile ego needing a constant boost. Just remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So let their envy and belittling roll off your back and keep shining bright.

Have you spotted these clues when talking to someone you know? You will know if you’re dealing with a narcissist because you will suddenly feel mentally and emotionally drained. Narcissists are energy vampires; they suck the life out of you to survive. Be careful, critical, and wise while interacting with them. Never allow their manipulative words to get into your mind and heart.

You may limit or cut your contact with them if your mental health gets affected. If you’re afraid of losing a friend, relative, or lover with narcissistic tendencies, you’ll end up losing yourself. So keep these clues always in your mind so you will know how to handle a conversation with a narcissist.