Today’s topic can be life-changing once you fully understand the information it contains. If nothing else it will certainly help you move on and speed your recovery post narcissistic abuse. It examines two delusions the covert narcissist relies on that you fully accept and take on board, for them to complete their cycles and later hoover supply. If you understand and don’t accept what they are banking on you taking on board as the truth, you not only ruin their plan, and cause wounding, but set yourself free from past, present, and future narcissistic abuse in the romantic setting.
The first thing is that they need you more than you need them.
Covert narcissists cannot be alone when left alone. They are tormented by their thoughts. They suffer from paranoia, thinking someone or something is always out to get them. They need someone who can reaffirm their existence and importance. There is a darkness that overshadows them when they are alone, the end of overthinking everything.
Marriage offers covert narcissists a level of security that money cannot buy. That is why you will find that many victims of narcissism are people who have been married to a covered narcissist or in a long-term relationship with one. But what happens when a covered narcissist is not married or in a long-term relationship? Well, things can go from bad to worse. This is because they are unable to get rid of the negative energy that they have, and it overtakes them.
So even though in public, they are being smiley and chirpy, if there is someone they have an issue with, they are not able to better contain it or hide it. They will not confront the person but instead try to avoid them. You may even catch them glaring at the person in disgust. Hear the cracks if you are vigilant instead.
Another important thing to note is that, from my experience, it seems most covert narcissists are also co-dependent. This is very important to know and can be utilized for your benefit if you are in a relationship with one. Even when they make you angry, your response shows that you care. You are reacting because they matter. So that’s enough to fuel their need for acceptance.
The gray rock method of ignoring the narcissist is very effective as a result because it leaves them vulnerable and unsure. When you gray rock a covered narcissist, they will stop trying to provoke you and instead go back to love-bombing you. When you gray stone, they feel like they’re losing you, the love you have for them, the attraction, and the relationship.
That is the last thing they want. And that is why they go into a self-destruct mode when you walk away from a knot by ending a relationship. You have removed a life source. You are trying to kill them, so they must destroy you quickly while finding another source of supply.
The covert narcissist is patient and strategic in their plans to destroy you and is more likely to manipulate others to do the attacks. This is where the flight monkeys will come in. They try to get you to feel like you are the one who has done the narcissist wrong.
You see, in the mind of the covert narcissist, nothing they did could ever warrant you discarding them. No matter how mean and dismissive they may have been of you, you should have put up with it instead of leaving because being alone is a covert narcissist’s worst nightmare.
The second thing that they do not want you to know is that they have no original thoughts.
Self-help books are a godsend for narcissists. Books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People” are the types of books that narcissists would read because it tells them how to do something that will make them fit in and have success. After all, no one would think that someone with friends, admirers, and who is successful has something majorly wrong with them.
They take the ideas and even the phrases from books like these and regurgitate them, even from their social groups. If they realize someone is very successful by being humorous or communicating in a certain way, they will quickly adopt that person’s behavior.
The same applies to relationships. Narcissists are drawn to people who are more emotionally intelligent and well-rounded than they are and steal your character traits as their own. Narcissists will turn you into a sad, miserable human being if you stay with them long enough and remain unaware of what is happening.
People will start thinking that the narcissist is the light, and you are the darkness or that the narcissist is the good guy and you are the bad guy. The narcissist steals your positive energy, that positive vibe, and leaves you with negative energy. And that is another reason why they can convince the masses that they are these awesome people.
I remember starting to become paranoid, thinking that others were constantly conspiring against me. My husband’s paranoia, who is a covert narcissist, his paranoia started to become my own. Knowing what the covert narcissist is doing is an important step to help you remain grounded in who you are and surround yourself with positivity. Become the light once more and shake off the darkness that has encapsulated you.
So to conclude, without us, the covert narcissist is a ticking time bomb. They are very dependent on others to feel good about themselves and to put forth a glorified persona. Without you and self-help resources to show them how to be, the covert narcissist will not have as much success or influence.
Read More: 5 Games Narcissists Employ When You’re Hard to Control
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