9. Fake Generosity
A covert narcissist might do you a favor or give you something, but it’s rarely selfless. Often, they’re fishing for praise or admiration. More insidiously, they’re setting you up to feel indebted, cashing in on bigger favors later. Their “kindness” is a tool for leverage, not genuine care.
10. Accusing You of Not Prioritizing Them
Here’s a clever twist: they’ll accuse you of not standing up for yourself or putting them first, claiming others walk all over you. But in reality, they’re the ones monopolizing your time and energy, controlling your decisions, and ensuring your focus stays on them. It’s a subtle way to guilt you into giving them even more.
One key point: for these behaviors to signal narcissism, they must be consistent and pervasive a pattern over time, not just occasional slip-ups.
Why Do They Hide These Tactics?
So why do covert narcissists work so hard to keep their manipulation under wraps? Here are three reasons:
- Preserving Their Image: They don’t want to be seen as the toxic person they are. Maintaining a “nice” persona is critical to avoiding exposure.
- Brain Differences: Research suggests structural and functional brain differences in narcissists contribute to their behavior, making it hard for them to recognize or care about the harm they cause.
- Control and Survival: Keeping people around to meet their needs is essential to their sense of security. Manipulation is their tool to ensure you don’t leave.
