Lie 8: Love (or Respect) Means You Admiring Me
They have a very poor conception of what love or respect is. In their mind, they can’t even conceive that it might require them to show kindness, not manipulative kindness or ongoing decency, grace, or mercy toward another individual. All of that stuff is lost on the narcissist. It’s like, “No, I just want you to admire me. That means we have a love relationship. You defer to me, you think I’m the greatest.”
Lie 9: Giving Is Overrated
Sometimes they may give in the love-bombing phase, or they may give and help somebody else to receive not just favor, but so you owe them. But in terms of just giving, service, kindness, and goodness for the sake of being that way, they think, “No, it’s okay for you to embrace service toward me, but I’m not going to be in that position.” Or, “If I am in a position where I’m supposed to be a servant, there’s always going to be a hook. Forget about me being a truly giving and serving person because there’s not that much benefit in it for me other than you being in my debt, owing me something.”
Lie 10: My Past Mistakes Should Be Overlooked
They’re off the table; we can’t talk about their past mistakes. If a past mistake does come up, they’re going to let you know: “A, that’s none of your business; B, it’s finished, it’s history.” They have rationalizations and justifications, and again, it was always somebody else’s fault. They can’t forgive themselves, they can’t forgive you, they can’t be fair-minded about a deep history of problems. They just kind of go into a strong cover-up mode.
Read More: Do you know what a narcissist’s favorite sayings are?
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