Lie 3: When I Err, It Can’t Possibly Be My Fault
There are times when narcissists will blunder, make mistakes, or miscalculate to the point where it’s obvious, and everybody can see it. But then they’ll very quickly come back and say, “Well, I have an explanation. I can explain all of that, and it’s your fault.” They’ll give excuses, they do blame-shifting, etc. They can’t take responsibility for themselves, and it always has to be somebody else’s fault. It’s too painful for them to say, “Yes, I’m imperfect. I’m flawed, and I have a lot of things on the inside that I could learn.” They can’t do that.
Lie 4: There’s No Need for Me to Try to Understand You
Narcissists have decided well in advance before you even showed up that when there’s “me” and there’s a “you,” then “I’m the superior one, you’re the inferior one.” So they’re thinking, “Well, all I need to do when I’m in a relationship with you is to get you under my influence.” When you come along and say, “Well, I have feelings, and I have perspectives, and I have interpretations that you might benefit from,” their response is, “No, I don’t think that’s in the equation. You need to understand me; I don’t need to understand you.” So, there’s a lot of discounting there no empathy.
Lie 5: My Anger Is Justified
You can see that lying to themselves and setting you up to be the one who serves them, is going to create a lot of frustration and friction on the inside of them. It’s going to come out toward you, and in their anger, they’re saying, “You’re a nuisance to me. You’re hindering my agenda.” No matter how ugly the anger is, no matter how mean it becomes, you caused it, and you deserved it. If there’s a problem that you have with their anger, it’s not because of them it’s because you set the whole thing up. That’s how they justify things to themselves.
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