In this topic, we are going to be uncovering the top 10 common words and phrases that are used to describe these interactions. If you are involved with a narcissist gathering information is going to be your greatest tool for understanding and realizing the patterns inherent in this disorder.
Number 1. Narcissistic supply is the attention, affection, and admiration that a narcissist needs to fuel their ego.
A narcissist constantly needs this supply to function because getting this narcissistic supply is what keeps them from having to deal with their true self and feeling unloved or flawed. In a romantic relationship with the narcissist, their partner is referred to as the supply. Because this is typically the person who continuously provides attention, affection, and admiration.
But this attention doesn’t necessarily need to come from a romantic relationship; it can come from anyone or anything that constantly provides a narcissist with attention. It could be a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor, a business partner, and their children, their parents, being in a position of power, and on and on.
Number 2. Love bombing.
You may think anything mixed with the term love can’t be wrong, but narcissistic love bombing is quite different than a normal loving relationship. It happens when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behavior as a manipulation tactic.
The goal of the love bomb is to quickly gain their partner’s trust and affection by presenting an idolized image of themselves. Once this is accomplished and they feel like they have you right where they want you, all your trust and attention, they’ll typically switch it up and become manipulative, emotionally abusive, or just plain difficult to deal with.
Number 3. The silent treatment.
The silent treatment is used when the narcissist abruptly stops communicating with you for no apparent reason. Well, the reason won’t be apparent to you, meaning there will be a reason but you may not be privy to that knowledge, because a narcissist can come off as confident and self-assured.
In reality, they have a very fragile ego. So, they will employ silent treatment at the slightest of infractions. The silent treatment is typically used by the narcissist as a form of punishment without them communicating to you what caused the issue. They may employ silent treatment if you set a boundary they don’t like.
If you say something they don’t like. They can use the silent treatment as an avoidance mechanism to get out of something, answering a question they don’t like. Or to get out of something they promised they would do but don’t have the intention of doing it.
In a romantic relationship, the silent treatment may be deployed if they are bored in a relationship and are trying to garner more attention from you, or if they are trying to start a new relationship, they may start a disagreement with you to deploy the silent treatment, so that you won’t bother them while they are love bombing their new supply.
Number 4. The discard.
Is the term used to describe the phrase when the narcissist leaves you or is no longer interested in dealing with you (for the moment anyway)? They don’t typically like to discard you permanently unless you’ve caused them a serious narcissistic injury (more on that later).
In the typical discard, they like to do it so that you’ll be right where they left you when they return. But you’ll notice the start of the discard because the attention you may have received at the beginning of the relationship will start to diminish, and they now seem somewhat bored by your presence if they are even still communicating with you.
If you are in a romantic relationship this is typically the phase when they have found another supply. The discard gives them the space and opportunity to focus and concentrate their needs on the new supply. While you are in the discard phase they are simultaneously in the love bombing phase with their new supply.
Number 5. The hoover.
This slang term gets its name from the Hoover vacuum cleaner. This is the word used to describe how a narcissist sucks you back in like a vacuum cleaner after they have discarded you. When you met the narcissist, they were probably one of the sweetest most charming people you ever met.
You see narcissistic relationships usually end with the discard. At the beginning of the relationship, they think you’re the best thing since sliced bread, but eventually, you will get discarded like all others before you. After the discard, you may feel despair, sadness, and confusion. They will leave you high and dry.
The issue is once you have realized that they’re not coming back and you’ve decided to take your life back into your own hands, this is when they will make their perfectly timed return. They will tell you how they were wrong for leaving you and tell you that they miss you, and just would like one more chance to make it right. Everything you wanted to hear while you were in the relationship. Once you give them this one more chance they will likely go back to their old ways and discard you again.
You see after a narcissist has discarded you, they typically only come back because they are low on narcissistic supply, which we discussed earlier. You know the fuel that they need to keep moving forward. If you allow them to, they will likely employ the hoover on you over and over again anytime they are low on the supply only to discard you once again as soon as their primary supply sources are replenished.
Number 6. Gaslighting.
Is a tactic the narcissist uses to make you believe you don’t remember things the way they actually occurred. They may make you question your reality by saying things like you have a terrible memory, or you’re not remembering that correctly. If you do stick to your guns and don’t allow them to change your reality of how the events actually unfolded, they may change the narrative by acting like they have no clue what you’re talking about by saying things like “I don’t know what you’re talking about?”, or “you’re trying to confuse me”.
Or deflecting and diverting the conversation to another topic to take attention away from the current problem. For instance, you may have caught them at the bar flirting with another man or woman (something they should not do in a relationship.) Instead of addressing, the issue at hand and apologizing they may say “Why were you there you told me you were tired?” Now, instead of the conversation being about them flirting with someone at the bar, it’s an argument about why you went out when you said you retired. Gaslighting is a classic narcissistic tactic.
Number 7. Crazy making.
It’s similar to gaslighting in that both are manipulation tactics that play with your mind. The narcissist presents a convincingly logical-sounding argument that makes absolutely no practical sense. Crazy making is a lose-lose situation because it makes it impossible for the abused to win.
Basically, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For example, narcissists may say that you never cook for them and that they would much rather eat in and spend so much money out at a restaurant. For the next meal, you decide to take their advice and eat in.
But instead of being happy, they then complain that you didn’t cook what they wanted or they would have preferred that you did this on a different night or any other number of excuses. This will likely start an argument that goes in a circle with no clear path to resolution. Making you feel crazy, confused, and wondering what you could have done differently to make it better.
Number 8. Flying monkeys.
The flying monkey is the person that the narcissist may use to help them do their dirty work. They can help them spread lies about the real victim. The flying monkey can be the person the narcissist turns to complain about how unfairly they are being treated in any number of situations.
The flying monkey will be the one who comes to their defense providing the attention the narcissist needs to make them feel like they are right in any situation. In healthy relationships, differences of opinion are respected. However, narcissists do not like to be disagreed with. The flying monkey is the one the narcissist can depend on to always have their back and agree with them when they’re wrong.
Number 9. Smear campaign.
The narcissist uses the smear campaign to try and ruin your reputation or just tarnish it a little. The narcissist will be more likely to try to ruin your reputation if they have sustained a severe narcissistic injury. But even if they haven’t it’s likely that they will run a smear campaign.
They want to plant the seeds to tarnish a reputation just enough so that things go wrong in a relationship, friendship, at work, at school, at church, or wherever it matters that they will have put enough doubt in everyone’s mind about you, that everyone will automatically think you are to blame. They will not suspect that the narcissist was the puppet master all along.
Number 10. Narcissistic injury.
Narcissistic injury is the blow the narcissist takes to their already fragile ego. If you threaten a narcissist’s ego, discard a narcissist before they have another narcissistic supply ready, disagree with them make them, feel shame, or do anything that gives them a taste of their own medicine. They may sustain a narcissistic injury to their ego.
The more severe the injuries sustained the greater the revenge they may invoke. And there are no limits to how far a narcissist will go to seek revenge on someone who has caused them a narcissistic injury. They can employ any number of things such as a smear campaign, cheating with your best friend, the silent treatment, and just about any tactic they feel will be the appropriate amount of punishment for your actions, and trust me they can be very creative. The possibilities of how you can be potentially punished for a narcissistic injury are unlimited.
Read More: How To Start Distancing Yourself From A Narcissist
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