Number 7: Document your interactions.
If appropriate, keep someone posted about what’s going on. For example, at work, this could be your supervisor, it could be a union rep or HR. This can help protect you in case you need to present your side to a court, to an employer, or to someone else.
Number 8: Surround yourself with supportive people.
Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who bring out the best in you and vice versa. The best way to deal with a narcissist is to remove all attention from them and focus on your happiness not to spite them, not to show them, just because when you focus on the positive things going on in your life, it doesn’t leave much room for their negativity.
A positive support network also helps reinforce your self-worth, and it reminds you of your value, and this helps to counteract the influences and the emotional toll of having to deal with a narcissist regularly.
Number 9: Stay in integrity and be true to who you are.
People often ask me for psychological tricks and tactics to outplay a narcissist, and sometimes I’ll give some if I know there’s good motivation and intent. But let me just say this: they’ve been at this a lot longer than you have, and you’ll probably get outplayed. And even if you don’t, you’re lowering yourself to their level, and this is not going to build your confidence. It’s not going to make you feel good about yourself.
Number 10: Get assistance from a third party.
Consider getting assistance from a third party. If you conflict with a narcissist maybe you’re separating, in a child custody battle, or having problems with them at work it is highly likely that you will need the help of a third party because a narcissist is not going to be reasonable and rational.
They’re not going to negotiate in good faith or play fair. They don’t want to resolve problems; they want to manipulate the situation, maintain control, and sometimes just make your life miserable.
So, you’ll probably need a lawyer, a mediator, a judge, an arbitrator some third party to help you get to an agreement and figure out the consequences of not sticking to that agreement. You might also want to consider talking to a therapist who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse recovery.
Strategies from Game Theory When Dealing with a Narcissist
First is Tit for Tat. So, with this strategy, you start with cooperation and mirror the narcissist’s behavior. If they cooperate, you do too. If they retaliate, you respond in kind. So, this strategy rewards cooperation and punishes negative behavior. For example, if you ask to make a switch to the parenting schedule and they say no, you would then say no to all of their requests, no matter what, until they agree to accommodate you.
The second strategy is Generous Tit for Tat. So, that’s similar to Tit for Tat, but it allows for some leniency. So, for example, if the narcissist says no to a scheduling change but then makes an effort to comply later, you might re-engage with them positively. This strategy rewards behavior that approximates the desired behavior and allows for more flexibility.
Third is the Pavlov Strategy, which basically is sticking with what works. If a strategy gets positive results, continue using it. If not, switch it up. If you do this strategy, make sure you’re keeping track of your efforts so that you can look at the big picture and make decisions based on trends.
