Number 3: Frame your request in a way that shows mutual benefit.
So, if you’re discussing parenting schedules, anticipate what they might need and then propose an exchange that benefits them as much as possible. So, you might say, “Can you take our daughter to dance class tomorrow night, and I’ll take her next week when you’re working?” Now, if they have other options available, they might just refuse to make your life more difficult.
But if you do agree, make sure you get it in writing and be as clear and specific as possible because a narcissist will often twist facts, find loopholes, or deny that they ever agreed to it.
If you give a narcissist what they want in exchange for a favor later, just know that you might not be able to cash in on it unless you take these extra measures. And also, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re going to build up goodwill. Don’t expect any reciprocity or appreciation, even after you’ve done them multiple favors.
Number 4: Predict their behavior.
It’s not your first rodeo. You know this person, so you likely have a good sense of their patterns and their tactics. By anticipating how they might react in certain situations, you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally and decide how you will respond. When you think about it, you shouldn’t be surprised when they pull their same old tricks. You should say, “How predictable. Of course, they did that. How typical,” and then figure out how to prepare for when it happens again because it will happen again.
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